His biggest dream in life is to completely transform his body into a man. His poor financial situation has made it difficult to do so.

Kathmandu. One day, when he was trying to board a bus in Kirtipur, the co-driver looked him up and down and said, ‘You walk like you’re drunk, are you going to ask for a discount because you’re disabled?’

He smiles and shows his card, but he is still confused. His feet seem to have a hole in them, he can’t stand straight, he has to walk with a limp. But those who see him think he’s drunk and limp, and look at him with contempt. This is just a small part of Amuka BK’s daily life.

Born in Nayapur village in Kaski district, he is now 25 years old. There are 10 members in his family, including his parents. 4 of them are physically disabled – the eldest sister, two brothers and Amuka himself. The remaining four brothers and sisters are normal.

They all have the same problem. The back is slightly raised, the feet are not even at the base of the foot, the legs are bent or twisted. These make it very difficult to stand and walk straight.

The eldest sister is the most disabled - she cannot walk even with a cane, she needs the support of others. The younger brother is a little stronger, and Amuka himself is the least affected and can walk lightly.

The doctors did not find any specific disease during the examination, everything was normal. The government has given a red or blue card, but its benefits are almost zero. When he asks for a discount on public buses, the co-drivers scold him.

Amuka completed his basic education in the village. Then he came to Kathmandu. The main purpose of coming here was to learn thangka painting. A disability organization had taught painting to disabled people for free. He came with his younger brother to learn painting.

The organization pays 6,000 per month for room rent and expenses, but the room rent itself is 5,000. To meet other expenses, he sometimes leaves the organization's work and goes around selling incense.

Some people show kindness when selling incense. There are also those who praise him, saying, "How many people with paralyzed hands and feet beg and eat, while you work and eat." Some ask, "Why don't you do other things if you can walk like this?"

Others splash water on him when he goes to buy incense.

Occasionally, some passersby tease him by saying, "I am also disabled." He replies, "I am physically disabled, but you are mentally disabled."

Even though he was born in a girl's body, he considered himself a boy from a young age. At the age of 8-9, he would tear apart the frocks, kurtas, and trousers that his older brother brought him and wear his older brother's pants and shirts.

After coming to Kathmandu as a teenager, he learned about homosexual and trans people on social media. At that time, Amuka understood his identity clearly after a disabled friend shared his experience. Now he lives openly as a trans man, wears boys' clothes, and keeps his hair short.

His first relationship was with a girl. But that girl did not want to continue the relationship. One day, she brought boys and beat Amuka, tried to stab her with a knife. The neighboring sisters protected her. After that, she was beaten up two or three times.

When she complained to the police, the police only took photos, saying, 'There are many such cases', but no action was taken. That incident deeply traumatized her. . She lived alone for some time. Later, she met another girl through TikTok, who is also a lesbian. Now they have a stable relationship, and have kept everything from the past open.

When she was a girl, her family was initially upset, saying, 'What will society say, will her respect be lost?' But after her brother reminded her parents, everyone accepted. Now the family is completely supportive.

The manager of the Thangka learning institution once insulted him by saying, “Is this a girl or a boy? From tomorrow, I will send him to the girls’ room.” At that time, he was very hurt, but Amuka did not respond back, he did not quit his job because that was his support.

He is now a graduate. He is learning Thangka painting. It takes time to complete the course, because it is difficult to attend regularly due to financial constraints.

His biggest dream in life is to completely transform his body into a man. His poor financial situation has made it difficult to undergo that surgery. “My family is very poor, if I were rich, it would have been possible,” he says. But he has not given up. “When I earn a lot of money, I will do the surgery myself,” is his goal.

Amuka’s life is a struggle with the pain of disability, the struggle of trans man identity, poverty, violence and social discrimination. But he says with a laugh, “Anyway, I am living, fighting, and dreaming.”